The photo you see was Christmas day in 2015. I didn’t know what to get my mum. Firstly, she was supposed to die weeks prior to this after contracting Sepsis. Secondly, I was not the best at buying gifts because I always wanted to ensure it involved a good thought process.  Finally, I thought it would be her last one. That gut feeling had never let me down before. The plan was to get her something which would capture the moment, like I did here. I needed to see her smile again, I knew it would be her very last moment of joy. It was a little selfish of me, yes, I fully accept that. I needed a memory like this to add to the never-ending love she had provided me since the day I was born in 1986

Earlier in the month it was a matter of how long does my mum have. She shouldn’t have made it even this far. When I say this far, I mean up to 2015. She had her pancreas remove in 1996 and to survive year on year with her illnesses was incredible. But she did it. She firmly believed and felt she was a fighter and would push on. Of course, it was horrible watching her throughout the years have one operation after another, nights where she’d be in pain and be crying throughout the night. I’d try to block out the crying and sleep but it was heart-breaking. There were some nights I would just pretend it was not happening. She would curse at god sometimes and ask why he has given her so much pain; the anger was evident. She would even curse at her husband when he’d get annoyed (tonality tells you a lot) after she would ask him to get her some food. I would try and ignore this and didn’t want to get involved; now, I wish I did. All through these times however I had believed that she would be around when I wake up and she would go about her day and fight on.

Going back to 2015, what a moment. She absolutely loved it. It was a simple but elegant necklace with a diamond in the middle of the heart. I knew she would love this but it also broke my heart thinking it would be my last gift to her. I didn’t really know this would be her last but she had gone through so much, I just couldn’t think of anything else. Her opening the present however gave me fresh hope and believe. I had her back. My mum was back. The smile and joy were there to be seen. This was my Christmas miracle of 2015 and one that has never or will never be matched.

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